Parenthood is a life-long story. But children grow and change, and one of the main goals of proper childrearing is to bring parent/child relationships to a new level in time. Today, we are going to share with you some useful information on how to move on when your children are all grown up and what to do next.
Why it is so important to put up with the fact that children are grown up
If children at the age of 18-20 years old inform you that they are ready to get on with life themselves, it means that you are good parents. After all, your children have the courage to take responsibility for their lives – they are grown up. You can truly be proud of yourself and trust your son or daughter. And it does not mean that your child no longer needs you. The child just wants a different level of relationships with you, more free and equal. And if you agree to this, you make happier both your child and yourself.
Parents who cannot put up with the growing-up of their children feel the full power of this situation. They feel miserable, unnecessary, and abandoned; they no longer have the meaning of life. Such parents often try to return their children back to the family nest, frightening them with the difficulties and dangers of life, criticizing and condemning their actions, or they start to get sick, requiring constant care, or burden the children with their problems. Carrying out such manipulations in relation to their offspring, parents unconsciously encourage children to feel weaker than they really are, thereby returning them to childhood, or stronger, turning own children into caring parents. Thus, parents deprive their children of the right to live their lives, covering up own infantility, fear of loneliness, and inability and unwillingness to live in a different way. In case you want to learn how to get rid of the feeling of loneliness, visit a Russian brides dating site and ask pretty ladies for advice.
Children should not take responsibility for the actions and feelings of their parents. They should not be ashamed of the fact that they want to live differently. It is difficult for children to be close to such parents and thus, they avoid interaction with them in every possible way, increasingly pulling away from them.
Signs that children are grown up
Parents always see in their children little defenseless boys and girls, even if they have already turned eighteen. But nobody has canceled the concept of psychological maturity yet. So, consider some sure signs that your children are grown up.
They ask how you are doing
Relations between parents and children remain one-sided for a long time. Parents are focused on the desires and needs of their children, who are just happy to declare their whims. When children begin to be interested in your hobbies, plans, and life goals, you can hug yourself on – your children perceive you as an independent person, a friend, and adviser, and not as a mini bank or a servant.
You are no longer a financial institution
Pocket money has become a thing of the past. Perhaps your children live away from home, furnish their apartment, or are simply able to fill the refrigerator with food without your help. And yes, you no longer top-up their mobile phones.
They respect your perception of life and do not impose their opinions
Condemnation and travesty of adult habits is a teenage trait. A grown-up man is well aware that he is not entitled to educate the parents, even if they spend hours watching TV talk shows or curving their back over a vegetable patch when all the products can be bought at the store. Grown-up children respect the choice of parents.
They create own traditions
If earlier, all holidays were held exclusively according to your scenario and in the family circle, then now, your children can celebrate the New Year somewhere without you or become the organizers of a family celebration by arranging a festive occasion in your name.
How to put up with the fact that your children are grown up
For some people, it is very difficult to put up with the fact that their children are all grown up. However, there are some effective tips that will help parents to face up to such a difficult and unusual state of things and move on.
Of course, for parents, it is very difficult to believe that their children are grown up and ready for individual life, but still, it needs to be done. No matter how difficult it may be, you should look around and make a sober estimate of the fact that your children are grown up and so, they count upon your understanding. You have been raising the kids and preparing them for an independent life for quite a long time and that is why you should be mentally ready for the fact that this moment has already come. You should realize that letting your children go gives them the opportunity to prove themselves and develop in one direction or another without exterior help. And this is really important for every person.
Do not be afraid to let your children go, because separate housing is not a prison or a hospital. In such a way, you will only improve their life. It is at this moment that your child will discover completely new ways and directions to fulfill oneself as an independent person. Just be proud of your child!
Ensure the support of a loved one
Naturally, the love of parents for their offspring cannot be described in words. Both parents love their child fully and completely, although they may demonstrate affection in different ways. To put up with the new state of affairs and understand what to do next, you should discuss your feelings and experiences with a loved one. After all, this person has the same feelings as you even if your beloved does not show this.
You should learn to discuss all the problems and experiences with your significant other because it is much easier to deal with troubles and overcome life’s difficulties together. Spill your hearts to each other, think over the rueful feelings, and discuss methods of finding the best way out of this difficult situation.
Find a common hobby
The ideal option to distract yourself is to find a pleasant joint activity for both partners that can switch your attention from the removal of your grown-up children to something more pleasant and entertaining. If you and your spouse like sports, you can sign up for a sports section or just go to the gym together. It will not only distract you from problems but also significantly strengthen your health and help to keep yourself in good shape. If you and your loved one are more creative and prefer less active types of activity, then visiting theaters, exhibitions, or concerts may be the best option for you. The point is to find a hobby that both of you would really like.
Spend more time on yourself
In family life, especially with the appearance of children, parents often make a huge mistake, not paying the necessary attention to each other. They are less likely to go to restaurants, watching romantic films, and simply having sex. No matter how difficult it may be, you should find time for your soul mate and warm up those tender feelings that burst into flame between you on the first date.
In fact, the removal of your grown-up children is a great opportunity to turn back the clock and arrange a second honeymoon. You should forget about all the household chores and problems of your children (since they are already grown up and independent people) and fully enjoy each other. This is the period when your relationship gets a second wind, which is sometimes even brighter than the first one. Spend with your loved one as much time as possible, strengthen your relationship, and enjoy these joyful moments of happiness with each other, because you definitely deserve it. It’s time to live for your own precious self, so take this chance!
In general, you should not be afraid of the time when your child will grow up and decide to leave the parental home, because someday, this moment will come anyway. All you need to overcome this troubled period is self-development and the support of a loved one. If you have a favorite hobby and a beloved person who is always ready to be there for you, there is no reason for fear. Love your family and appreciate what you have!